A note

Someone sent this to me and I thought it was cute. I don't agree with all of it, for example I don't mind people touching my stomach, but some of it is definitely true, like people (MOM) trying to control my diet, telling me how big I am, and the whole name thing.

A note from a pregnant woman:

For all of the ups and downs of my pregnancy I am just pretty gosh darn happy that my little one is growing and has all of the correct number of appendages. While my bump is not perfectly round (it’s kind of pointy) I still love it and more specifically the life I am growing in it. I say this because it is this that I have to think about everytime someone does one of the following listed items to me. These are my gripes for the way I have been treated by others durning the last 20 weeks and they don’t all apply to other prego women. I just had to get them out there before I really go off on someone in a public place. Please feel free to share this.

1. Unless I specifically ask you what you think about my possible baby name selections I don’t care what you think. Unless it’s positive don’t say anything. People, and I would like to think they are not doing it on purpose, have this tendency when they ask a pregnant person “hey what are you going to name your child?” to really let them know what they feel about it. They have this innate behavior choice of either going “oh I love that” or they will scrunch up their noses and say “how horrible a choice that is” or “that’s too ethnic” or “how hard of a life your kid is going to have with the name” and “what on earth are you thinking?” Well, considering you are talking to a woman who has more hormones going through her body than a 16-year-old boy in a strip club, don’t be surprised when they smack you in the face and say what horrible names you have chosen for your kids. But the fact is, we won’t, we will sit there and take it so that we are not rude like you. And let me tell you, it’s super wonderful to have your family and friends in the back of your head saying that your name choices are stupid when you are thinking about baby names for your precious child. I now understand why it is people don’t say anything until their babies are born. I bet they are tired like me of having people go “no one is going to be able to spell that” or “that is not original, in fact that is really boring” or “I know five other people who have named their kids that” or “that’s not going to get them elected to the senate” (oh and by the way look at our current president, I think that logic has kind of gone out the window). Stick to the Golden Rule people, if you don’t have anything nice to say about it then LIE! Oh, and don’t ask me my babies name, you can find out when she is born, I am done with this game.

2. My birthing choices are mine, not yours. I don’t care that you think having a c-section is wrong and harmful for the baby, it’s not. I don’t care that you think water births are gross and why would I want to lie in my own amniotic fluid and blood; it’s a smooth transition for the baby into the world and a popular choice for women because it’s relaxing. I don’t care that you think I have to go through a natural childbirth to be considered a woman, I just grew a baby, that’s pretty much better than any of your super powers and if I want some pain meds then I think I deserve them. This is a highly personal choice, just like breast feeding, it is up to the woman who grew the baby in her to make this decision with her doctor so that she and the baby are safe and happy.

3. If one more person, who is not my OBGYN or husband, tells me that I “can’t eat that” I am going to scream. Stop looking in my shopping cart, no the beer isn’t for me you idiot, it’s for my husband because I am making him crazy. Oh, and if the prego wants four avocadoes and a bag of Milky Way minis she is going to get them regardless of what you say. Let me look in your cart fatty, oh wait, should I remind you that those Dove bars are not fat free and if you ever wanted to see your feet again you should rethink that extra large box of fried chicken! I don’t think all of those women in China or Japan are laying off the fish and green tea just because they are with child. I am going to have a coffee in the morning, I am not going to have as much as I used to and I know that I can’t drink my daily Red Bull anymore (I used to drink about one a day before the baby) but thanks for thinking that my head fell off when I got pregnant. I know a lot of people say “it’s just because we care about the baby, we aren’t trying to insult you.” Well guess what, YOU ARE! For your information I don’t even use Splenda anymore because of the sacrin in it, so since you don’t know anything about my eating habits leave me alone.

4. Unless you are the person who put the baby in me, is going to take the baby out of me, or are the persons who made me, DON’T TOUCH ME/MY BUMP WITHOUT PERMISSION! I am not a statue of Buddha, rubbing my tummy is not going to bring you luck. It is however going to get you some extra-fun fondling by me followed by a tongue-lashing and no I don’t care where I am at or whom I am with (sorry Mom). Like a lot of pregnant ladies I wear really nice maternity clothing and your icky hands are the last thing I want on my silk top, and that is just on top of the rudeness of entering someone else’s personal space. I don’t care how old you are, I don’t care your gender, I don’t care if you are a total stranger, DON’T TOUCH ME WITHOUT PERMISSION!

5. Advice, horror stories, and old wives tales…again unless I specifically ask you (which I have done with my friends) I don’t want to hear it! I don’t care that you or someone you know had a horrible child bearing experience; I don’t want to hear about your/their stool consistency or morning sickness unless asked. The last thing a newly pregnant person wants to hear is how horrible pregnancy is! I also love when someone tells me that since I am carrying my baby high it is going to be a boy or girl. I love that even when I have told them that the chromosomal testing I had conducted on my baby shows that it is a girl they tell me “oh no, it’s a boy.” Really?! I think that I am going to take the DNA over your “intuition.” I hate that I am now hiding/running from people with arms reached out to me when I run errands because I don’t want to have to deal with the groping and stupid stories in the frozen food section. It is okay to ask when your due is and say congratulations, but don’t touch or spend forever talking about it.

6. I have never met a woman that enjoyed being told “look how big you are!” other than a four year old. I will admit that I am guiltily of saying this to my girlfriends when they were prego and I apologize ladies, I am so sorry. I already feel like a blimp, please don’t remind me that skinny jean days are over. It’s just that I feel so “sexy” as it is with my compression socks, extra-large maternity bra and elastic waist pants that I don’t need you reminding me what my waist size has grown to. I know that all I want to hear (and my Mum is the best at this, she gets it) is that how pretty I look and how stylish I have made maternity clothes and pregnancy look. My Mum also tells me that it is so nice to see someone who hasn’t given up on their looks just because they are pregnant. Just because we are carrying babies doesn’t mean we don’t lose the need for compliments. This is by no means applicable for all pregnant women; some ladies love the attention and want to talk about their issues that I leave for only my OBGYN. I respect Moms so much more now, not only for what they have to endure in their bodies during pregnancy, but also for what they have to deflect and deal with in the public during this super fun time. If you have a “prego gripe” you would like to add please leave a comment, if you have something negative to say about this post then get lost, you are probably someone who gropes pregnant ladies without being asked.

Originally posted March 20, 2009